Heart, forever on my sleeve.

When I originally started this blog I believed that with each passing day, my time was limited with my best friend.  He had cancer that was slowly going to take not only his life, but grace away.  I decided soon after finding out the terrible news about his cancer, that I would like to have my buddy tattooed on my body.  Print the love I have for him for my lifetime on my body.  Many thoughts and reason went behind this decision.

Langston has been the only dog I have had, that I adopted as a baby.  I picked him out at 6 weeks old and took him home at 8 weeks old.  He was adorable.  From cuddling on my lap, suckling on my fingers and being carried in a backpack during long walks.  He was my buddy, my baby.  I immediately loved him dearly. 

Langston as a pup and beyond wanted to please me.  As a pup, training was easy as long as he was pleasing me.  He never wanted to anything that went against what I thought was best. Langston played with Halle, played fetch, but always kept a close eye and ear on me.  He was such a great friend and leader to Halle.  She always stuck closer to me because her buddy Langston never wanted to stray far.

I decided on a tattoo of Langston on my forearm.  I wanted him to be on my left arm and visible.  I decided on my forearm so I could look at the tattoo during walks with my dogs.  I wanted the tattoo to represent my best friend as well as make him present on all walks now and to come. With him being on my forearm, the arm I most always hold a leash, I felt as though Langston will be on every walk of my life, every hike, everything, in memory. 

I have joked with people that I wear a part of my heart on my sleeve. On the 6^th of June, I decided it was time for my best friend to leave this world and pass.  This has been the hardest decision I have ever made in my life.  When bringing Langston in to my life, I swore to protect, nurture, care and only bring goodness and happiness his way.  Toward the end of his time, I had to make a decision to end his life.  I will never feel ok with this decision.  It seems to me that it probably was never my decision to make.

We make the decision to “put our dogs down” because we do not want them to suffer.   The only issue with this decision is, we decide when they are suffering.  I will never for sure know if Langston was suffering or I just thought he was suffering.  This is a difficult pill to swallow.

I miss my best friend dearly.  He led me through some of the hardest times of my life.  I will never forget him for the strength he gave me.  I know he was “just a dog.”  He however was probably one of the best friends and companions I will ever meet in my lifetime.  He could read my emotions better than my closest family.  He was always there for me, never judged me and always loved me.

Langston is one of the very few beings in my life that I have never judged or had an angry moment toward.  I know too many he was just a dog, but to me he was so much more.  He was truly a best friend, a companion, a true friend of life. I will forever miss him and am saddened to know that with time, my memory of time with him will fade.